know it’s just mid-summer, but soon enough the hockey season will be in
full swing and then you know what else will be in full swing? The hockey
emails! Oh yes, soon all hockey moms’ inboxes are going to be
inundated with emails from the team. I should know because I am a hockey
team manager and I’m about to inundate your inbox with emails.
listen up, hockey moms! I would like to provide a word of advice to
hockey moms about the emails for the upcoming season. In my experience
as a hockey mom and a hockey manager, emails fall into one of these
The All-Inclusive Correspondent
is the parent who hits ‘reply all’ for every single email they send.
They dig through their emails to find the most recent all-team
communication and hit reply all asking if anyone is available to bring
their kid to practice because they can’t make it themselves. Then,
another parent ‘replies all’ that they actually cannot drive your child
to hockey, and another parent can drive your child to hockey but needs
another parent to drive their kid home from hockey and still another
parent decides to add to the email string with a unrelated question
like, ‘does anyone know if the tournament schedule is posted yet?’ FOR
THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOP.
you send a detailed email about an upcoming event and then very kindly
reference an attachment with additional crucial information, it would be
really helpful if you ACTUALLY REMEMBERED TO ATTACH IT. Thank you.
The Soapbox Writer
it’s about anything within our Universe, The Soapbox Writer will have
an opinion about it. And it is absolutely vital that the entire team
knows their opinion about it. “You know I don’t want to complain about
the association executive because I know they’re all volunteers …”
Except you do. Go on. About the Universe. And the association executive.
WE DON’T CARE.
The Novel Writer
novel writer is the poor cousin of the soapbox writer. The subject line
of the novel writer’s emails usually reads IMPORTANT which is smart
because it catches my eye. But I’m not that smart because then I get
sucked in and I can’t get out. These emails start out pretty cheery but
then go on and on and on and on about the last game, the last team
dinner, the sale at HockeyLife, the officiating at the game, the hours
of the skate sharpening clinic at the local arena, the amount of ice
time allocated to one of the lines. You can bet that pretty soon I am
banging my head on my keyboard. At least the soapbox writer has a point
(I just have zero interest in it). JUST GET TO THE POINT!
The Absent-Minded Author
parent starts out writing great emails. They are succinct and timely.
Except they fail to actually deliver the one piece of critical
information the team needs – like where the game or practice is being
held. Even better are the emails that deliver inaccurate information
about this game or practice only to send around another email two
minutes later asking parents to ignore the last email and read this one.
The Preoccupied Parent email I love the most is the hockey mom who
intends to send an email to another hockey mom gossiping about a certain
hockey mom’s FireBall whisky consumption at the last hockey party not
realizing that she’s sent it to the whole hockey team. PLEASE PROOFREAD
YOUR EMAILS BEFORE HITTING SEND.
The Lonestar Superstar
type of email writer has only one child in hockey but fails to realize
that many parents have multiple kids in hockey. Their subject lines read
“The Game Tonight” (when you have two or three games tonight). Unless
the whole team knows exactly who you are and what team you’re talking
about, TELL US!
The Feminist Hockey Mom
last person I want to offend is a feminist. Many women do not change
their last names when they marry. I know this because I did not change
my name when I got married. (This is a source of some frustration for
many of my kids’ coaches because they have to learn to pronounce my last
name!) I’ve learned though that if I sent out a ‘reply all’ email out
to one of the hockey teams my kids was on, I know enough to sign my
email with my name but then my child’s name in brackets afterward.
Because it pretty rare when hockey parents introduce themselves at the
beginning of the season like “ Hi, I’m Astra Groskaufmanis – I’m Connor
Chisholm’s mom”. Usually it’s “Hi, I’m Astra (no last name) – I’m
Connor’s mom (when there are three Connors on the team). So go ahead and
keep your last name, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME WHO YOUR KID IS!
The Absentee Email Artist
get it. You don’t want your work email box to be besieged with all the
(occasionally unnecessary) hockey emails you get through the course of
the hockey season. So you hand out a Gmail or Hotmail email address for
the team distribution list. Which you never check. NOT HELPFUL. This is
also the parent who does provide a work email for the distribution list
but routinely cleans out their Inbox of all non-essential emails (i.e.
deleting all hockey-related emails). ALSO NOT HELPFUL.
you can see, I’m quite the expert on hockey email etiquette. Having
been a hockey mom for fourteen years helps, but so does the fact that
I’m guilty of writing at least one of the stereotypical emails
highlighted above at least once in my hockey career! I’ve been around
the arena once or twice and I’ve learned a lesson or two along the way.
So three cheers for the hockey emails – the shorter the better!
This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2015